Take it easy

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June 30, 2012

Take it easy

I’m trying really hard not to cry over you because every tear is just one more reminder that I don’t know how to let you go.

Holding people away from you and denying yourself love, that doesn’t make you strong. If anything it makes you weaker, beause your doing it out of fear.

I don’t know where I stand with you. And I don’t know what I mean to you. All I know is every time I think of you, I want to be with you.

When shit goes south, you realize your friends are all you’ve got; tonight all I wanna do is live a little, drink a lot.

I loved you. I loved you because you were the only person that motivated me to keep on living. It’s a perfectly valid reason to love someone, but it’s a terrible reason to start a relationship. I didn’t know the difference then. I do now, and I am sorry for the fights. You were never meant to be my punching bag.

You don’t get to choose, you just fall in love. And you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know that you love them so much except sometimes they just drive you completely insane and no one can explain it and the reason its so confusing is because its love. But if love didn’t have any challenges, what would be the point?

You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.

You can try your hardest, you can do everything and say everything, but sometimes people just aren’t worth trying over anymore. They aren’t worth worrying about. It’s important to know when to let go of someone who only brings you down.

It’s waking up in the middle of the night for no reason, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heat of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lies on anyone’s shoulder but their own. You smile and kiss their face gently before turning back around and somehow, an involuntary grin forms on your face. Just before you drift off to sleep, you feel an arm wrap around your waist and you know.

That awkward moment when you yell “hey slut” and 15 girls turn around.

Harsh words hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart.

Just because you’re beautiful, doesn’t mean you can treat people like they don’t matter.