November 11, 2012

• Haaay Xanga

  

  I wish I had the strength to touch the sky.

  

  The United Nations reports that over ten thousand people starve to death each day, and most of you don’t give a shit. However, what is even more tragic is that most of you are more concerned about the fact that I just said a bad word than you are about the fact that ten thousand people are going to die today.

  

  The best moments in reading are when you come across something, a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things that you’d thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you’ve never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it’s as if a hand has come out and taken yours.

  

  Losers aren’t the people who don’t win, losers are the people who are so afraid of not winning, they don’t even try.

  

  You shouldn’t have to earn happiness. We all deserve it.

  

  I loved you. And here’s a news flash: you protected me from nothing. I spent time missing you, wondering what the hell I did wrong to make you do that to me. I thought everything was my fault. And even when I got over that, I still knew what I’d lost: you. You were the one who made me laugh when I had a crappy day. You were the one I vented to when I was mad, the one I shared all the good stuff with. You always knew when I was full of crap, and you always called me on it. You were smart, you were funny, you were good-looking. You were mine. And then, suddenly, you weren’t. I knew every day exactly what I’d lost, and I missed you every day, and I believed in you every day, and my heart broke every day. That’s the big favor you did for me. Thanks so much. Here’s the kicker – you weren’t even protecting me.  You were protecting yourself. If you’d give half a thought to me, you would have said goodbye.

  

  All I would like in my life, what I wish for so very much, is to someday have the strength and be free of the resentment and anger that I carry around with me like Linus’ blanket for just long enough to become one of those people who is better than the worst thing that happens to her. How I would love to be that woman.

  

  When you lose somebody, you think you’ve lost the whole world as well. But that’s not the way things turn out in the end. Eventually, you pick yourself upand look out the window and once you do, you see everything that was there before the world ended is out there, still. There are the same apple trees and the same song birds. And over our heads, the same very sky that shines like heaven. So far above us, that we can never hope to reach such heights.

  

  I place this unfair burden on people just so they can save me from myself. But I don’t need a knight in shining armor. I need a partner. Someone who I am proud to love, who is proud to love me back, in spite of all my flaws. And you’re it. You’re the one. I’m so sorry. 

  

  None of those other things make a difference. Love is the strongest thing in the world. Nothing can touch it. Nothing comes close. If we love each other then we are safe from it all. Love is the biggest thing there is. 

  

  Each day is a new life. Seize it. Live it.

  

  I know there will be risks, but I want to face them with you. It’s wrong that we should only be half alive, half of ourselves. I love you. So here I am, standing in your doorway. I have always been standing in your doorway. Isn’t it about time somebody saved your life? 

  

  • 9:38 pm
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