February 3, 2013

• One more day

  

  Life is unfair. You put someone first who puts you second. You study your ass off for a final only to get a B in the class when you deserved an A. You give 110% to someone in a relationship when they only give 40%. You’re there for your best friend at 3AM when they need it the most, and the next day, they don’t pick up their phone. You give something your all and sometimes get little to nothing back. You care so much about someone who doesn’t care enough about you to say hi once in awhile. You give someone your time, and they give you, “Sorry, I’m busy.” It seems like you’re giving everyone everything, and they’re just walking away with it.

  
  

  You have to get hurt. That’s how you learn. The strongest people out there, the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest battles. Because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them down, they’re showing the world who’s the boss.

  
  

  Sometimes you think you can’t do something anymore, it’s just too hard. But that’s life, you know? There are times where you just want to break down and be left alone from the world. There are other times where it seems like the world has left you alone so you break down. But no matter what, never ever doubt who you are and why everything has happened the way it has. Stay strong.

  
  

  I can’t just drift away from you, I can’t get on with my life and not give you a second thought. When I kissed you that night, walking away stopped being an option.

  
  

  I can be complicated, stubborn, or even thick headed and I know I can be hard to understand at time’s, I can be difficult and I will at some point slam the door in your face, or put on my running shoes and bolt, yet I always come back. I just want you to know that I am someone worth keeping I can promise you that.

  
  

  I’m sorry but I’m no good for you. We’re living in two separate worlds, and though I loved the times they intertwined maybe it’s time for me to leave you be. Because I’m no good. I over-analyze, over-think and overreact of the smallest of things. I appear to be some loud, social, happy girl but really I’m just someone who finds it too hard to open up and talk to people about deeper things. I care too much of what people think of me, I get jealous, my mood swings from one end to the other all the time. I’m not the girl with the looks, personality, I’m not someone anyone would go for. I don’t want to drag you down.

  
  

  Now things are coming clear and I don’t need you here. And in this world around me, I’m glad you disappeared. So I’ll stay out all night, get drunk and fuck and fight until the morning comes, I’ll forget about our life.

  
  

  I am in a rut. A deep stinky shitty rut. I no longer fully believe in anything. I am so lost. I used to think clearly. I used to know what  I wanted and what I didn’t. Now everything just blurs together at the seams. Nothing is certain in my mind. My thoughts constantly contradict each other. I am on the brink of insanity… or maybe I am already there. I don’t know. I am not sure of anything anymore.

  
  

  When you tell someone something bad about yourself, you’re scared they won’t love you anymore. But then you get surprised because not only do they still love you, but they love you even more.

  
  

  People always ask her why she puts up with all of his shit, and she doesn’t have any sort of answer. She just rolls her eyes, laughs, and says nothing. She acts embarrassed that someone called her out on it, but she wishes they would just open their eyes. She doesn’t know why, except for the fact that she accepts him. Hell, she adores him, as ridiculous as that is, and it’s beginning to baffle her how nobody sees that.

  
  

  I was just saying that sometimes our relationship seems so simple and easy. But no matter what, it just turns into a big mess. And there are days that I want to dive into that mess, but then, other days, I can’t help but wonder if maybe we’re just two people who don’t work as a couple.

  
  

   

  • 1:16 am
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