December 12, 2012

  • I cry

    As many times as I told her she was beautiful, I know that she never believed me. As many times as I said it didn’t matter, I knew that to her it did.

    It never seemed fair that just when you’re old enough to do anything you want, you can’t. You have to start working, so there’s no time. And if there is time, you’re not working, so there’s no money.

    Your university friends will be the only ones who know who you are, but your high school friends will be the only ones who know why.

    There are so many people reading these words now that if you put your hand against the screen, i can promise you, no matter what time it is, no matter where you are, someone else who feels the same is doing it too.

    All I want to do is watch people, but I’m too afraid they’ll see me. Strangers are beautiful because they never hurt you. I lie on the grass – breathing in silence, listening to the night, looking up at the stars. I look up at the night sky and I wonder about life, about you, about why I’m here. And I look up at those cold, beautiful stars so far away, and I realize life has never seemed so big.

    I think you and I are destined to do this again and again, forever.

    Books are the perfect entertainment: no commercials, no batteries, hours of enjoyment for each dollar spent. What I wonder is why everybody doesn’t carry a book around for those inevitable dead spots in life.

    When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.

    We scream our insecurities but mutter our apologies. And that’s why this world will always be so wrong.

    Not even your parents know you well enough to know how well you hide. They won’t see the pain you’re in. You hide it so well behind your pretty face. No one can ever tell how much you’re feeling out of place.

    How weird is it to think that two years ago I didn’t even know who you guys were? Now I can’t imagine not seeing your smiling faces almost everyday. So we better not ever lose touch because although I lived without you before, i don’t know if i can do it now.

    You are the best person I’ve met in years, and if I’d met you in a year’s time, or maybe even a few months, I know we could be happy together, but I can’t give you what you need.

    I get it life, ok? I get that not everything can be great at once. That something has to be a mess. Something MUST go wrong. In no possible way can every piece of my life fit together comfortably for any length of time. I understand that. You’ve taught me this well. But why did you have to take the happiest part? Why did you take my safety, my simply smiles, my heart and my love? You couldn’t have chosen a different part of my world to come crashing down? I mean, I’ll take it. You’ve given me worse. But for once, please just things fall into place. Please?

    People inspire me. I’m especially inspired by people who aren’t necessarily fashionable or aren’t really trying at all, like when I see someone on the street who isn’t wearing anything special but will just look perfect. It’s like their identity. That’s what inspires me, this complete comfort in whatever you’re wearing.

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